MESSAGE FROM DR. JAY / A QUICK REALITY CHECK

MESSAGE FROM DR. JAY 

Ready for a quick reality check? 

To a great extent, we create our fate every single day, and most of the ills we suffer from are directly traceable to our own (controllable) attitude. Life is packed full of uncontrollable events; in many situations the only thing we can control is the attitude we choose to respond with. When you really take the time to think about it, everything happening around us is neutral and meaningless up until the point that we give it meaning. And the questions we ask ourselves drive the meaning we create and the attitude we have about everything.

Regardless of what you’re going though, it’s about choosing: Will I allow this to upset me? Will I choose to make this bad or good? Will I choose to stay or walk away? Will I choose to yell or whisper? Will I choose to react or take the time to respond? You CAN always choose an attitude that moves you forward. And doing so will help you change things from the inside out, and ultimately allow you to grow beyond the struggles you can’t control.

Here’s one powerful question that will support you with a positive attitude adjustment when you need it most: Who would you be, and what else would you see, if you erased the thought that’s worrying you?

Honestly, worry is the biggest enemy of the present moment. It does nothing but steal your joy and keep you very busy doing absolutely nothing at all. When you spend time worrying, you’re simply using your imagination to create moments you don’t want.

Realize that, somewhere within us all, there does exist a supreme self who is eternally at peace. Because inner peace does not depend on external conditions, it’s what remains when you’ve surrendered your ego and worries. Peace can be found within you at any place and at any time. It’s always there, patiently waiting for you to turn your attention toward it.

Think about it: Who would you be, and what else would you see, if you erased the thought that’s worrying you? Identify a specific thought that’s been troubling your worried mind lately, and then visualize how your life would be different if you removed this thought:

  • How would it change your outlook on your present life situation?
  • Would you treat yourself and others differently?
  • How would you feel?
  • How would you behave?
  • What else would you be able to accomplish?

These techniques work no matter where you stand in your current situation or what you’re up against going forward. Even if you have limited experience with self-improvement and personal development tactics. And even if you don’t know what you really want for yourself…yet.

MESSAGE FROM DR. JAY / Recognition, appreciation and approval?

MESSAGE FROM DR. JAY / Recognition, appreciation and approval?   

The desire for approval is common among us. We like to be liked. This, I assume, is a common trait throughout most of humanity. But I’m wondering, as technology and communication change, if this element of human nature is playing a larger role in our society and personal development than ever before.  The desire to be liked often causes us to say only the things we know people want to hear. And there is a danger in that for both the giver and receiver. First, as the receiver, when we only hear the things we want to hear, we are rarely pushed into areas of needed growth. Criticism can be helpful—and it should be welcomed, especially when it comes from the people who love and or care about us most. Second, when the voices around us act as only an echo chamber of our personal beliefs, we miss opportunity to see the world from a new perspective, grow, and prosper.

The first danger of avoiding criticism is just as prevalent as it has ever been. If we do not surround ourselves with people willing to speak hard truth into our lives or practices, we are left with little opportunity for growth. We ought to value those who challenge us in positive ways and also receive their criticism with grace and patience (however difficult that may be). But the second danger appears to be disproportionately more prevalent in today’s heightened world of communication. For many people, digital platforms have become the new town square. Even more, our digital lives form the foundation for the influences we seek in our life. We follow our favorite authors, artists, entertainers, and thought-leaders and avoid the others.

This is all fine but there is a downside. When we get to single-handedly pick all the people that we allow to speak into our lives, we are less likely to select people with opposing worldviews shaped by unique circumstances. It’s not always easy to allow people into our lives who we disagree with—and even more difficult to not quickly dismiss their words when we do. But these are needed for life improvement. Seek out voices that say things you need to hear—not just the things you want to hear.

Consider another angle to this conversation. There is a danger to us when we only hear things we want to hear. But there is also a danger in being the person who only says what other people want to hear—and I think our ever-connected world has made that more possible than ever before. This applies to your practice, your patients and popular Chiropractic practice mentors you may be familiar with.

Positive reinforcement always encourages more of the same behavior, when people are drawn to the things we are saying, we are more inclined to repeat them. And the more we repeat them, the more likely we are to believe them. This is good when the words we are speaking are beneficial to the listener. But this can be detrimental to us when the words we are speaking are not helpful or when they perpetuate that we repeat only because the listener wants to hear it. No improvement or progress occurs when this happens.

My mentor always taught me to speak what people need to hear, not what they want to hear. This especially applies in my case to the management of your office. It also applies to you in the management of your patients. Your Patients and or practice members, just as with your children and loved ones, need to hear what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. And contrary to what some popular practice management gurus will tell you, saying what patients want to hear is rarely the best way to build your practice or profession for that manner.  There are times to comfort, soothe, encourage, and praise. But there are also times to speak unpopular truth. Do both. And receive both.

BJ Palmer said that ” Rivers and Men take the path of least resistance, and the path of least resistance makes both crooked.”  Nuff Said.

SUCCESS MUST BE ATTRACTED NOT PURSUED

SUCCESS MUST BE ATTRACTED NOT PURSUED

We become and then we attract. We grow personally and then we advance materially. Unfortunately, the vast majority seems to have the plan reversed. Their philosophy is this: “If I had more money, I would be a better person.” But that’s not the way life is designed to work. Having more doesn’t make us more. It merely magnifies what we already are. Those who cannot save a few pennies out of meager earnings will never be able to save dollars out of future fortunes. The same discipline it takes to put a few coins in a jar every week is the same discipline it takes to open a savings account or manage an investment portfolio.

Conversation about our intended progress will only take us so far and promises about the future will only buy us a little time. Promises must soon be matched by performance. If the results do not appear in a reasonable amount of time we run the risk of losing the trust of others in addition to our own self-respect. We may find that those who once believed no longer believe, and we will one day be left only with our well-intentioned, but unfulfilled, pronouncements. A loss of this magnitude is worth preventing. It is on the day when we discover our losses that we will taste the bitter pill of neglect. It is on that day when we will finally experience the agonizing consequences of self-delusion, procrastination and unkept promises.

Will we read the books, make the plans, make good use of time, invest a portion of all that we earn, polish our current skills, attend classes to develop new skills and get around better people in order to improve our chances for success? Will we tell the truth, improve our ability to communicate, and give careful attention to all the virtues that success requires? Or will we be content to let the time slip through our fingers like grains of sand while we slowly lose self-confidence, the respect of others, and perhaps even the few possessions and valuable relationships that our past efforts have managed to attract into our lives? Will we go on sitting idly by while our dreams diminish to memories, as hope gives way to remorse?

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HOW TO BE MORE GRATEFUL AND ITS IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE!

HOW TO BE MORE GRATEFUL

Most of us have amazing family members, friends, and other loved ones who love us back.  Learn to appreciate what a gift that is.  Most of us have good health, which is another gift.  Most of us have eyes, with which to enjoy the amazing gifts of sunsets and nature and beauty all around us.  Most of us have ears, with which to enjoy music – one of the greatest gifts of them all. We may not have all these things, because we can’t have everything, but we certainly have plenty to be grateful for.  To an extent, we know this already, and yet we forget.  It happens to the best of us.

As human beings, when we aren’t grateful for what we have, we aren’t capable of being happy. This is not just some self-improvement cliché either.  It’s been scientifically proven.  For example, researchers in numerous positive psychology studies have split study participants into two groups and instructed one group of study participants to reflect on the little things they are grateful for at the end of each day, while the other group just goes about their normal routines.  Then, after several weeks, both groups are interviewed, and it becomes clear that the first group enjoyed considerably greater life satisfaction than the other group during that time period.

Why does this happen? The simplest explanation is that forcing ourselves to focus on thoughts and actions related to gratitude, regardless of circumstances, helps our brains develop positive emotions.  In one notable study, researchers asked participants to smile forcibly while thinking of something specific they’re grateful for.  They found that this consistently stimulated mental activity associated with positive feelings and emotions. The bottom line for most of us (severe depression and other related mental illnesses notwithstanding) is pretty clear: when we force ourselves to be grateful by making gratitude a part of our daily routines, we actually feel a lot happier.

How to Force Yourself to Be More Grateful? In the end, the secret to being grateful is no secret.  You choose to be grateful.  Then you do it again and again.  If you forget, begin again. There are, however, three specific gratitude strategies you can use. I encourage you to implement them, gradually, one at a time, into your life.  And if you need further assistance, we’re here.

  1. Practice a private, evening gratitude ritual.

Here’s a super simple, five-minute, evening gratitude ritual: Every evening before you go to bed, write down three things that went well during the day and their causes.  Simply provide a short, causal explanation for each good thing. That’s it.  We spend tens of thousands of dollars on expensive electronics, big homes, fancy cars, and lavish vacations hoping for a boost of happiness.  This is a simple, free alternative, and it works. If you begin this ritual this evening, you just might be looking back on today many years from now, as the day when your whole life changed.

  1. Practice giving thanks publicly.

Although gratitude comes from within, the public expression of gratitude is important too.  In his best selling book, “Authentic Happiness,” the renowned positive psychologist Martin Seligman gives some practical suggestions on how to do this.  He recommends that we ritualize the practice of expressing gratitude in letters to friends, family, coworkers, and other people who we interact with in our community. Put this gratitude strategy into practice in your own lives by ritualizing it into our morning routine.  Write a short email, text message, or letter each morning to one specific person, mindfully thanking and praising them for what they do that makes our lives a little brighter.

  1. Practice reflecting on the little things you are grateful for.

It’s fairly easy to remember to be grateful for the big and obvious things that happen — a new addition to the family, a win at your office, a significant business breakthrough, etc.  But the happiest people find ways to give thanks for the little things too.  Ponder these perspective-shifting points:

You are alive.

You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.

You didn’t go to sleep outside.

You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning.

You haven’t spent a minute in fear for your life.

You know someone who loves you.

You have access to clean drinking water.

You have access to medical care.

You have access to the Internet.

You can read.

Be honest: when was the last time you were grateful for simply being alive, or going to sleep with a full belly?  More specifically, think of all the little things you experience — the smell of a home-cooked meal, hearing your favorite song when it randomly comes on the radio, seeing a marvelous sunset, etc. Pay attention, and be grateful. Truly, the richest human isn’t the one who has the most, but the one who needs less.  Wealth is a mindset.  Want less and appreciate more today.  And remember, the best time to focus on being grateful is when you don’t feel like it.  Because that’s when doing so can make the biggest difference.

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